This Guy is MY HERO and always has been...

my wierd nocturnal habit...

I have narrowed the problem down to hot months and a little wine before bed: I sleepwalk. There are 3 known instances of alarm: the first happened as a child when I awoke lying in front of a fuzzy television ("They're heeeerrree.") The second occurred a couple years ago when I actually left my apartment, wandered down the hall until my ex woke up and found me, asked me what I was doing and I said, "It smells like toast." The third happened last night. I KNOW I went to sleep in my bedroom, but I woke in my living room sleeping on top of a blanket on top of notebooks and my computer.
Me so krazy.

Hooters Girl...

I saw this ad for applying to be a Hooters girl and out of sheer curiosity went to their website because I wanted to see what they listed as their requirements for being, what they call, "A Hooters Girl." It said this:

The Hooters Girl uniform consists of: White Hooters tank top, orange shorts, suntan hose, white socks, solid white shoes, brown Hooters pouch, name-tag and of course...a smile! The Hooters Girl uniform can not be changed or altered in any way. As well, the Hooters Girl uniform can not be sold to the public for any reason.

There is no set requirement in order to be a nearly World Famous Hooters Girl! We look for the All-American Cheerleader / Surfer-Girl-Next-Door image to fill our restaurants. In other words...Very bubbly, outgoing personalities!

Yea, right!!! What about the proverbial rack? The Oompa-Loompa tan? The dark red lip liner filled in with frosty pink that essentially makes your mouth look like a giant ass-hole?!? The uniform. Really? Suntan hose? Who finds that outfit attractive? Like, SERIOUSLY, what guy is into that look? I feel like Invasion of the Body Snatchers stole whomever frequents that place's soul! It's like Clamato juice. I just don't get it. And what's in "the brown pouch?" They're dignity? I was thinking what a perfect lawsuit I could file after I apply and surely get denied. It's kind of a McDonald's-Hot-Coffee lawsuit but what if I became, like, a pioneer for womankind? For Pale Women Everywhere.