How Unemployment Insurance mocks us...

Since my cabaret is closing down for a little while, Gigi gets to take advantage of some free filthy lucre. But here's the catch: each week, I must log onto the UI page and make my weekly claim to get my measly duckets no one could live on save for homeless, dieting people like me. I love the series of deriding questions it poses in its clinical, governmental way: Did you make an active search for employment this week? (yes) Were you physically able to work each day? (well, I was hungover, bleary eyed and all I could do was eat greasy food and drink Vitamin Water and watch back-to-back "Weeds" episodes and surf the World Wide Waste of Time, but YES! I probably could get out of bed and show up somewhere -- lord knows I've done it before.) But what I really enjoy is how they, like a shuffle-footed ex-lover, beat around the bush: They say,"Did you make an active search?" But what they mean is, "What the Fug have you been DOING with your time, you lazy bitch?" They mean, "Seriously, you slothful whore, crusing Barnes & Noble DOES NOT constitute a J to the O to the B." When they say, "You proclaim you made an active search making at least 3 job contacts in the last week?" They mean,"WTF, Gigi?" And then they make you prove it -- furthering their doubt of your productivity and genuine yearn for gainful employment. They scold, "So you're f'in telling ME, the Washington State Government, that you mailed out a measly 3 whimpy, flacid resumes to fancy restaurants who won't even look at you without your modeling portfolio and a proper BJ to the doorman and expect to get work?" "Oh, jeez, good job, you indolent C-You-Next-Tuesday." "Shit." "Well, here's your check! Go out and buy yourself a 40 ouncer and a strap into a Silm Jim. Treat Yourself! On US."