This is Your Spleen...

The weather today is slightly curious with possible chance of sousing, and scattered maudlining. I am yanking up my boots, rouging and dousing, and taking myself out on a date. I'm going to see some Improv (WITH pie: that means, yes, they are actually serving up pie) and I hope they got hooch.
Check 'em out!
http://www.myspace.com/theliberatorsimprov

ThanksGimme

OK, can I brag? (not like I haven't before) But I am preparing a whole feast all by my widdow self! I shopped, diced, baked, chopped, strained, oh, lord, you know the routine -- you've seen those Bonzai Chop infomercials, you know what I'm talkin' 'bout. So here's my menu:

Premiere Course
Curried Pumpkin Apple Soup
Wild Field Green Salad dressed with Tahini
Main Course
Stuffed Cinnamon Dusted Cornish Game Hens with Sweet Potato Risotto
and
Whipped Cauliflower & Potatoes
and
Sourdough Clover Rolls
Dessert
Trio of Pumpkin Pie
Mini Molten Lava Chocolate Cakes
Morello Cherry Pie

Can you believe? I feel pretty fancy and I better go so I can finish all this slaving for four hungry gobs.

This Mysterious New Land

My placenta-fresh lease on life has forced me to take myself out to various local clubs and bars; I don't know, maybe it's the just the cherished vision of Myself, fast-forward 30 years as a mascara-running Boozie that just puts a knowing smile on my face, but I sure do like drinking alone. And then meeting friendly strangers. I think the odds are in my favor as all the models must have vacated south or east for the weather approaching. Last night I told the cab driver to just take me to a cool wine bar. He took me to this place which barely had a sign, save for this one mysterious, lone letter of the alphabet: "M." I open the door to a room the size of a steam bath, it was the Gary Coleman of bars and I knew we would be fast friends. The gal behind the itty bitty counter offers a $3 DOLLAR glass of a lovely sangiovese. Then this guy who everyone knew walked in with his dog, literally named "Rin Tin Tin" (which I thought was funny). Rin Tin Tin jumped up on my lap and proceeded to curl up on me like a sweet little urine stain. Guy goes, "I guess you passed the test. Wanna go on a date?" while he. was. on. the. phone. I said, "Yeah, right, like you can handle your phone and this." And then I left. Tee Hee.

Life is Primo, Grade-A, Cherry...

I moved to another part of the country. I have the upstairs of a house and a huge backyard all to myself! I have an audition with an agent on Tuesday and I'm writing the weirdest, off-colored screenplay. Not very many people know where I am and I dig that. I went to Best Buy yesterday and saw older guys, one of them in their 30's, feverishly playing video games in the middle of the aisle. I'm thinking, what were you doing at home? "Dude. I'm bored of these videos, let's go to Best Buy and play some for free!" "Yeah, man. Let's just go to Best Buy and hang out there for awhile." "I need to pick up some Kool's anyway." Speaking of non-sequiturs, do you ever find yourself driving along, looking for a radio station and you find this really nice emo rock, just a guy or girl and their guitar and it’s really pretty and then you recognize “Jesus is my savior” in the lyrics!? You’ve just willingly subjected yourself to listen to GodRock and YOU LIKED IT! I hate that. I also hate it when you buy something at the grocery store and you notice the "Peel & Save" coupon, but then by the time you get to the register, you forget to peel it off and then you don't save. That doesn't even make sense, "peel & save!" If the coupon is right there, stuck to the product itself, then just lower the friggen price and don't make us go through the hassle of peeling anything.
Just so you know, all this complaining doesn't belie the fact that I'm actually pleased as punch with my New Life and although things didn't work out like I thought, they worked out better.