reasons...

Since the proverbial cat is out of the bag, I thought I'd list some reasons why I left NY. I cut out two separate things from New York's paper:
Sharon Jones, the songstress, answered the following upon being asked What could be different about New York to make it better?
"In my 20's and 30's, I thought, I love New York; I don't ever want to leave. But now it's just so hard, watching people struggle, unhappy, working two or three or four jobs just to pay rent. It was nice here at one point. I still love it here, but I'm ready to settle down, buy a home. What can you own here? Nothing. If they decide they want back the land you're on, then you're out. That's not how it should be. People should be able to work one job, make a decent living, pay decent rent. Feel like they're someone."
The second article I cut out was from a long time NY resident, a writer, Luc Sante, calling himself a "haptic poet:"
"I still get people asking me to write about New York, which I basically don't do anymore. For awhile, I was consumed by this sort of angry nostalgia, remembering the New York I knew. But now it's just gone. So I can marvel at what they're doing to the Bowery and Little Italy, putting up these pocket skyscrapers on these blocks of six-story tenements. Fuck it--let 'em do it. The more they erase my New York, the further it's emotionally removed from me, the better. Let them turn it into Bejing."
And tertiarilly, I quote Chuck Palahnuik from Diary: "The way people are coming...more and more every summer, you see more litter. But of course, you can't cap growth. It's anti-American. Selfish. It's tyrannical. Evil. Every child has the right to life. Every person has the right to live where they can afford. We're entitled to pursue happiness wherever we can drive to, fly to, sail to, to hunt it down. Too many people rushing to one place, sure, they ruin it--but that's the system of checks and balances, the way the market adjusts itself."
Personally, I prefer recalling the old fashioned rat experiments of the seventies: Put two rats in cage, they get along swimmingly. Add another, OK, they can still cohabit peacefully. But those scientists kept on adding rats and soon they were eating their young.
Just thought I'd write that so everyone knows.
Despite all my rage, I was still just a rat in a cage.

It's not funny, but it is....

I won't say where but I worked at a certain Cabaret/Cirque/Variete Show for a year and a half. It was very dark in that tent. There wasn't any glow tape. People fell. Old People. It was funny.
Cheese of Nazareth! It still makes me giggle like a Stoner. One minute this tubby lady with a half-cocked Cosmo in her hand is ordering around her dumb-struck husband where to sit and then, boom. Down she goes. Dove like Louganis into a dark pit of 2 X 4's on table 105. And I think that's hilarious.
Call me a few fries short of a Happy Meal, but that's what they get for thinking the tip was included.

A Black Fly in Your Chardonnay...

I booked a paid acting job playing, guess what? A Food & Beverage Manager.
I'm thinking the irony is just too too!

This is Your Spleen...

The weather today is slightly curious with possible chance of sousing, and scattered maudlining. I am yanking up my boots, rouging and dousing, and taking myself out on a date. I'm going to see some Improv (WITH pie: that means, yes, they are actually serving up pie) and I hope they got hooch.
Check 'em out!
http://www.myspace.com/theliberatorsimprov

ThanksGimme

OK, can I brag? (not like I haven't before) But I am preparing a whole feast all by my widdow self! I shopped, diced, baked, chopped, strained, oh, lord, you know the routine -- you've seen those Bonzai Chop infomercials, you know what I'm talkin' 'bout. So here's my menu:

Premiere Course
Curried Pumpkin Apple Soup
Wild Field Green Salad dressed with Tahini
Main Course
Stuffed Cinnamon Dusted Cornish Game Hens with Sweet Potato Risotto
and
Whipped Cauliflower & Potatoes
and
Sourdough Clover Rolls
Dessert
Trio of Pumpkin Pie
Mini Molten Lava Chocolate Cakes
Morello Cherry Pie

Can you believe? I feel pretty fancy and I better go so I can finish all this slaving for four hungry gobs.

This Mysterious New Land

My placenta-fresh lease on life has forced me to take myself out to various local clubs and bars; I don't know, maybe it's the just the cherished vision of Myself, fast-forward 30 years as a mascara-running Boozie that just puts a knowing smile on my face, but I sure do like drinking alone. And then meeting friendly strangers. I think the odds are in my favor as all the models must have vacated south or east for the weather approaching. Last night I told the cab driver to just take me to a cool wine bar. He took me to this place which barely had a sign, save for this one mysterious, lone letter of the alphabet: "M." I open the door to a room the size of a steam bath, it was the Gary Coleman of bars and I knew we would be fast friends. The gal behind the itty bitty counter offers a $3 DOLLAR glass of a lovely sangiovese. Then this guy who everyone knew walked in with his dog, literally named "Rin Tin Tin" (which I thought was funny). Rin Tin Tin jumped up on my lap and proceeded to curl up on me like a sweet little urine stain. Guy goes, "I guess you passed the test. Wanna go on a date?" while he. was. on. the. phone. I said, "Yeah, right, like you can handle your phone and this." And then I left. Tee Hee.

Life is Primo, Grade-A, Cherry...

I moved to another part of the country. I have the upstairs of a house and a huge backyard all to myself! I have an audition with an agent on Tuesday and I'm writing the weirdest, off-colored screenplay. Not very many people know where I am and I dig that. I went to Best Buy yesterday and saw older guys, one of them in their 30's, feverishly playing video games in the middle of the aisle. I'm thinking, what were you doing at home? "Dude. I'm bored of these videos, let's go to Best Buy and play some for free!" "Yeah, man. Let's just go to Best Buy and hang out there for awhile." "I need to pick up some Kool's anyway." Speaking of non-sequiturs, do you ever find yourself driving along, looking for a radio station and you find this really nice emo rock, just a guy or girl and their guitar and it’s really pretty and then you recognize “Jesus is my savior” in the lyrics!? You’ve just willingly subjected yourself to listen to GodRock and YOU LIKED IT! I hate that. I also hate it when you buy something at the grocery store and you notice the "Peel & Save" coupon, but then by the time you get to the register, you forget to peel it off and then you don't save. That doesn't even make sense, "peel & save!" If the coupon is right there, stuck to the product itself, then just lower the friggen price and don't make us go through the hassle of peeling anything.
Just so you know, all this complaining doesn't belie the fact that I'm actually pleased as punch with my New Life and although things didn't work out like I thought, they worked out better.